The Invisible Work of Feeding a Neurodivergent Family

 There are so many struggles of motherhood that no one talks about—and one of the biggest is this:

There are almost no resources written for neurodivergent mothers raising neurodivergent children.

And when they do exist, they’re rarely written in a way that actually makes sense to a neurodivergent brain.

One of the hardest, most invisible struggles?

Feeding a family.

Not just feeding them—but feeding them safely, affordably, and in a way that doesn’t cause medical issues, sensory overload, or emotional distress.

In our house, this is what has to be considered every single time I make a grocery list:

• allergies to gluten, red dye 40, tree nuts, apples, watermelon, and bell peppers

• food aversions to tomatoes and onions, frozen boxed pizzas 

• severe texture sensitivities

• some who cannot tolerate foods touching

• no casseroles or mixed foods

• many who cannot eat leftovers 

• dairy intolerance

• no bone-in meat or chicken—ever

And that’s before the medical layer.

We have:

• three daughters with hypoglycemia

• a daughter with a heart defect

• a daughter with juvenile arthritis and a seizure disorder

• a husband with type 2 diabetes

• two people with Ménière’s disease

• and me—with fatty liver disease, insulin resistance

• and all of us with ADHD, autism, and/or sensory processing disorder

Some of these conditions are diet-dependent.

Some are food-triggered.

Some directly contradict each other.

So when people casually say things like:

“Just meal plan.”

“Just cook from scratch.”

“Just buy cheaper cuts of meat.”

“Just eat leftovers.”

“Just make casseroles.”

…what they’re really saying is:

“I don’t understand your reality.” And how could they? I live it every single day and I still can’t fully wrap my head around it. 

I have a very limited budget to feed a family of 6–7 people under all of these constraints.

There’s no indulgence. It’s all survival. 

Every meal is a calculation:

Will this spike blood sugar?

Will this cause vertigo?

Will this trigger pain and inflammation?

But besides all of that—Will this even be eaten—or will it be wasted?

Will this overwhelm someone’s nervous system?

Can my own brain even manage this today?

And yet—people will still look at nuggets, rice, eggs, pasta, or simple meals and assume laziness, ignorance, or poor choices…especially when they see an overweight mother preparing and serving it. 

What they don’t see is the medical nutrition management, the sensory regulation, the executive-function overload, and the constant least-harm decision makinghappening behind the scenes.

This isn’t only about picky eating.

It’s about keeping people stable, fed, and safe.

If you’re a parent like me—especially a neurodivergent one—please hear this:

We are not failing. We are not doing it wrong. We are doing something genuinely hard with very little to no support. We’re doing our best just to keep up. 

And if you’ve never had to think about food this way, I hope this gives a little insight into why “just” is never just for some families.

Invisible labor is still labor. Invisible disability is still disability. And feeding a family like this is not weakness—it’s full-time work. And it’s exhausting!