Learning As I Grow

 

Healing happens when we choose to keep learning, keep growing.

I’m learning as I grow. 

That’s probably the most honest thing I can say about myself right now.

I didn’t grow up in the healthiest environments. My childhood wasn’t full of gentle examples or emotionally safe conversations. There was a lot of surviving and adapting—doing what I had to do to get through it. But I’ve also come to understand that people can change. That healing is possible. And that sometimes, growth happens not just in ourselves, but in the people who once hurt us.

Being neurodivergent adds a whole other layer to how I experience the world. I don’t always process things in the way others expect. I absorb, I mimic, I study. I learn by watching and writing and analyzing. But that doesn’t always mean I get it right the first time. Or the fifth. Or the fiftieth. Sometimes I need to see it a hundred different ways before I understand how to live it.

Back then, I turned to television to make sense of things—shows like Roseanne and other dysfunctional sitcom families. They were loud and chaotic and deeply flawed, but they also felt familiar. They showed families who fought hard but somehow still stayed together. That became part of how I learned to interpret love, conflict, and connection. I’m not blaming TV for the things I carried into adulthood—but that along with real life experiences are where I picked up a lot of patterns I’m now trying to unlearn.

Because what I’ve realized is this:

We’re always unlearning something.

We’re always in process.

Who I am today isn’t who I was yesterday.

And who I’ll be tomorrow might surprise even me.

The more I learn, the more room I make for growth.

And that means sometimes I have to change my mind. Revisit old beliefs. Let go of things I thought were normal just because they were familiar.

Growth is messy. It’s humbling. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s also sacred.

Because when we stop growing, we stop living.

So I’m not here pretending I’ve got it all figured out.

I’m just here, learning as I go.

Trying to be better than I was.

Trying to lead with grace—for myself, and for others.

Trying to make peace with the past while building something softer for the future.

If you’re in the messy middle too—learning, unlearning, relearning—you’re not alone.

We’re all just figuring it out, one day at a time.

And I hope I never reach a point where I feel like I’m done learning. Or growing. Or changing. Because the truth is, I’m still healing her—the little girl I used to be. The one who needed more softness, more safety, more understanding. And I’m doing it piece by piece, day by day, moment by moment. I don’t want to let her down.

She deserved better.

And I’m finally learning how to give that to her… through me.