Christmas Season Can Be Hard to Get Through for a Lot of Us

The Christmas season, with all its twinkling lights and festive cheer, can be difficult for many people. While some are surrounded by warmth and joy, others face an entirely different reality—one where the struggle to keep everything together makes it hard to feel any holiday magic. This year, I find myself in that space, and to help others who might feel the same, I want to share my story.

To understand what this year has been like, I need to go back more than 20 years to where it all began.

I met Johnnie, my husband, in 2002. Our story feels almost surreal, with paths that crossed so many times before we finally met. We connected online on December 12, met in person on January 2, and from that day on, we were inseparable. We married that October, full of hope for the future.

Starting a family wasn’t easy. For two years, we tried, and I was told by doctors that I’d never carry a child due to my weight and hormonal imbalance. But miracles happen, and in August 2004, our first daughter was born. Her sister came in September 2005, followed by two more kids in 2010 and 2013.

Our first daughter’s journey has been one of resilience and pain. Born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate, she had her first corrective surgery at just three months old and has endured 21 surgeries since. She even coded twice after one major procedure. Now, she’s battling severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD. 

Our second daughter’s story is just as intense. An accident at age 7 triggered seizures and an autoimmune disorder. It took years of tests and appointments, but at age 19, we finally found out she has seizures after they escalated to Grand Mal.

Our third child was diagnosed young with high-functioning autism, sensory processing disorder (SPD), ADHD, and anxiety. That same year, I learned I have high-functioning autism, too. 

And our youngest, my son, also struggles with ADHD and SPD.

It’s been a lot, but we always find our way and keep moving forward. 

In 2019, we finally bought our first house after working for a year to build up our credit.

Then came 2022, and it felt like the world turned upside down. Johnnie injured his arm, which kept him out of work for seven months. Bills piled up. We were barely managing. By 2023, the weight was too much. We lost two of our three cars, and I felt a deep sense of loss as they took my Kia Soul. The last car we have now has a failing transmission and tires that are ready to burst.

In March of this year, Johnnie injured his other arm but kept working until it became too much, and he physically couldn’t do it anymore. He was sent home in October. We’re still waiting for his short-term disability to come through, but only a portion has been approved so far, and only through November 25, even though his doctor asked for it to go through til the end of the year. 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

Meanwhile, our oldest daughter’s health continued to puzzle doctors. Her heart raced from simple tasks, and she’d been seeing a cardiologist since she was 7, with heart monitors revealing nothing. They said it was anxiety. But in July, she started passing out, and by September, she was diagnosed with POTS.

October brought yet another challenge. While we were grocery shopping, our second daughter felt off and began having small, staring seizures. Back at home, the seizures kept coming, and she had her first Grand Mal seizure. We called 911, and the next day, she was officially diagnosed with a seizure disorder.

Right now, my days are filled with doctor’s appointments, medication management, therapy sessions, and trying to hold it all together. I’m the only one who can drive, and our last car is on its last leg. Our phones have been disconnected, making it difficult to reach doctors, and we’re behind on major bills. Christmas this year won’t look like it has in the past. We managed Thanksgiving and the kids’ birthdays, but that was a struggle.

The Caregiver’s Reality

The life of a caregiver is daunting. When you’re the one holding everyone and everything together, there’s rarely any room left for you. The demands pile up, the exhaustion becomes bone-deep, and yet you keep moving because stopping isn’t an option. There’s no one to lean on, no one to pour back into you, and the loneliness can feel suffocating.

I know firsthand how easy it is to feel invisible when you’re the person who takes care of everyone else. The world doesn’t see the sleepless nights, the hours spent coordinating medical care, or the silent moments when you feel like you have nothing left to give. But in these moments, it’s important to remember that even when you feel unseen, your efforts matter. Your sacrifices, your love, and your resilience are the reasons those around you can keep going.

To Anyone Going Through This: You’re Not Alone

If you’re a caregiver or someone going through a tough time, please remember that you are not alone. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, to cry, and to acknowledge the weight of what you’re carrying. Your strength isn’t measured by the number of battles you fight but by the love you pour into each day, even when it feels impossible.

Hold on to hope, even in the darkest times. It’s okay to ask for help, to reach out, and to find support wherever you can. And know that brighter days are ahead. Your story is one of incredible strength, and even when it feels like no one is there to pour into you, know that you are stronger and more capable than you think.

We may not have the perfect holiday season, but we have each other. And sometimes, that’s all the light you need to find your way forward.